Late December and early January is probably most depressing for me. Lack of sunlight, feeling a bit under the weather and feeling a bit overwhelmed at the close of another year are contributing factors to this mild depression. In my case I struggle with a lack Sonlight as well. I can't entirely trust my thoughts and feelings and so I have also been avoiding my blog. Then I feel like I'm cheating somehow but not writing these struggles on my blog. I am entirely human. Obviously. A lot of people tend to think that when you have Christ, the struggle ends. I have to constantly remind myself to take baby steps though. I have found many times to be thankful, many times to laugh and many times to enjoy this Christmas. But I do get far more contemplative and my thoughts and feelings are more unreliable at this time of the year. Sometimes feelings help and sometimes they hinder a relationship or my faith. Sometimes I just need to remember my commitment to my husband or to Christ. We shouldn't rely on our feelings to produce worship nor worship to always produce feelings. I have been avoiding my blog and perhaps my relationship with Christ too. Sometimes I avoid issues with my husband too. I float along on what works and I float along on certain feelings, but my feelings are not reliable, right? I am scared when I read in the Bible and it says someones heart was hardened. I don't think it's fair...it scares me. But then I find my own heart hardened. My motives aren't always pure. The things I fail at are the things that I don't put into my spiritual journey. Absolutely everything should fit in, but I don't always want it to. I have many temptations that plague me, one deals with food at the moment. But my motivation for losing weight right now is earthly and not spiritual. I need to pray to change my mindset, but I don't know if I want to. I want to lose weight so that I can buy cute clothes, so that I can look attractive, and so that I can fit in. In reality, if those are my motivations, then I know I am set up for failure. Maybe not right away, maybe in two years, but I will fail. My need to be thinner is superficial right now. Superficial will not last. I need to commit everything to Christ. Even those things that seem silly, like my procrastination with laundry. I will fail unless I commit it to the Lord.
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3
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