Sometimes it is not in your own strength to create peace/quiet. Sometimes you have to seek the quiet in the chaos. It seems this would be impossible but it’s in the breath prayer, in one word uttered, one sight that creates awe or reverence. One image. A Sound. Something that is not wasted on you. The quick passing of a hummingbird. The sight of one drop creating a ripple effect in a puddle. The image of a tree filled with apple blossoms. A grasshopper. The sight of one small hand. Overhearing a conversation between five year olds while watching a soccer game. These were not lost one you. Wonderment, awe, amazement is all around you. God is in the whisper as well as the thunder. He is in the second as He is in the hour or day. One seems to have more significance than the other by how we try to measure with some false sense of security. A moment or a sound  or a life does not have more meaning because of some scale we have created, but simply because it is. And it is given to us to acknowledge and to hold sacred in awe and reverence.
I write this to remind myself. Sometimes I forget to see Him.

Cause me to remember oh Lord

To take these moments as photographs 

To pause, to reflect, to enjoy.....

OCD

I watched a mini documentary on OCD. I realize this is a mental disorder not to be taken lightly. I feel there are answers and comfort to be found in Christ. I also know there is a lot of hard work to be done on the part of the individual to get to certain goals while battling this disorder. I can catch a glimpse of obsessive  compulsive disorder in my life...I can empathize somewhat because I have created images in my brain of my children falling into Maligne Canyon in Jasper or other images I don't even feel comfortable to mention. I have felt a tiny fragment of the panic and if I were a fully into this disorder I realize how debilitating it could get. I understand some of the wishes and fantasies that these people need to create in order to cope. ( I don't really understand how you can fight anything without Christ...the permanency  of the solutions wouldn't seem to be there for me.) So I have thought this through. Yet we really need to have this OCD when laying everything at His feet. I can't stress this enough. We humans tend to wander. We are not robots. We get distracted constantly. People in ministry for years, missionaries and great leaders can fall as easily as you and I when they don't commit each day to Christ. So my stop list from the other day...it's not just a list you make once and forget about, it is continual. It's obsessive. -Lord if you just do this, I'll know.STOP. -What if this happens, Lord? STOP. -What if I can't? STOP. -What is she going to think? STOP. -If I buy this I'll feel ready. STOP. -But...STOP. 

Pray. Listen. Wait. ( and by listening I mean- read through the Bible as well ...let Him give you a thought or a word and find it in the Bible or find a word and see where He takes you. Ask for the Holy Spirit.) It's about giving God control.

Stop

I made this list a little while ago. I share it now as a challenge...as a way to work towards flipping switches in your life. Remember to continue to ask for help - God has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit. Reflect, listen, pray, wait and listen some more....just be. God has a way of becoming more real if you just continue to lay everything at His feet. For me this is as needed as breathing. Sometimes I picture a stop sign and I picture God smiling as I remind myself ,with each breath I take -each second even; to stop another 'if , and, or, but,' that I am tempted to make before Him...He says "Just stop." He is patient. He will listen to you.
I want to be silent before you O God. To listen. To stop.
- to stop inventing scenarios
- to stop assuming - to stop consuming
- to stop wanting any type of control
- to stop feeling without action
- to stop action without feeling
- to stop looking for answers  - to stop looking for mentors
- to stop filling time with noise
- to stop meeting all human expectations
- to stop wanting to do everything (save the world)
- to stop being overwhelmed
- to stop doing nothing
- stop worrying
- stop thinking of possible outcomes
- to stop and listen
- to stop and pray
- to stop and feel
- to stop and know
- to stop and be in awe
- to stop dreaming
- to stop being so aware
- to stop being surprised that He will meet me
- to stop being impatient
- to stop confusing patience with indifference
- to stop worrying about where anyone else stands with God
- to stop making plans
- to stop trying to figure out what people think of me
- to stop wanting people to think of me a certain way
- to stop being lost
- to stop needing to be found
- stop being alone ( a cloud surrounds you)
- to stop dwelling in one place
- to stop being discontent in one place

Flip the Switch

A light switch is such an amazing thing really,- so simple and yet so amazing. When my brother would be home on furlough from living in a third world country in years past he would exclaim loudly each time he flipped a switch and a light came on. We westerners took that simple act for granted but we never had to wonder if it would actually work. And then to take for granted how much that light is needed. Like when you forget to turn on a light while reading and it slowly gets darker inside the house with the sun setting. When you finally turn on the light, you can hardly believe the change and wonder how you were actually reading in the dark.

 I flipped a switch recently in my life and wondered how I had lived it before turning on that light. Some might argue that the Holy Spirit flipped the switch...but I think I flipped it and he made the actual connection. Then, rather than having that light suddenly go out like often was the case in that third world country where my brother worked, I have this type of body guard helping me keep that light on. It's funny to me that one simple thing I learned recently can be so life changing and yet so basic. I think we expect things to be more profound sometimes and then we are surprised and amazed by how simple certain truths in the gospel are once we really catch on. But like in a third world country, sometimes we do have to wait a little longer for that connection to be made. We  also have to be willing to flip the switch. Shedding light on certain rooms isn't always fun -some rooms are pretty messy and you may realize there is quite a bit of work to be done. But getting through a room also brings a sense of accomplishment and peace and it's great when you have a couple of helpers who are always ready when the light does finally come on. 

Desert to Dessert

As a kid I often confused writing the word dessert with desert. Though I do believe people who are lost in the desert would definitely be longing for some type of dessert after a while.

I know it has been far too long since I've last written. I was in a desert of some sort -and I can see why I have been in the desert. I can see the slow guidance- I needed to continue walking. Elijah, John the Baptist and Jesus spent time in the desert as well (among others I'm sure) -the desert is not a bad place to be. 

   "If you can still place your trust in Him even when you feel forsaken, that is a measure of your love. To do so, despite having no sense of His presence, is proof that you trust God's will, because you continue to pray even when you receive no obvious benefit. To pray at such times shows an intent to please God and not ourselves. and when His nearness steals over us, we shall know it stems from His grace, not our will. " Cardinal Basil Hume. 

  I know that genuine feeling and emotion were lacking from my spiritual life for a time, but I continued to trust that He is real. I continued to teach my children His ways and I continued going to church and such. He transforms us in different ways. We cannot rely on feelings when  it comes to our faith. ( This is a comfort to me being a hormonal woman -I don't always trust my feelings.) Grace is not just a feeling you get when you are saved. Grace is much more powerful than that. I guess grace is like the dessert you could be assured of receiving while in your spiritual desert. Keeping your eyes fixed on just that will make even the driest desert bearable. 

The Lord Will Guide You Always

Isaiah 58:9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,quit blaming victims,quit gossiping about other people’s sins,If you are generous with the hungryand start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.I will always show you where to go.I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—firm muscles, strong bones.You’ll be like a well-watered garden,a gurgling spring that never runs dry.You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,rebuild the foundations from out of your past.You’ll be known as those who can fix anything,restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,make the community livable again. 

I have once been given this verse by a church while I was on a Summer Workshop in Ministry team. I continue  to claim this verse as one of my own. The actual verse I received was Isaiah 58:11. I first heard it in the NIV, but now reading it in The Message is pretty amazing. Lord, help me to get rid of unfair practices. Help me to see when I am blaming the victims. I pray that I am very careful in how I talk about others. May I be generous, may I glow and shine. I would like to live life to the fullest but only in His fullness! I want firm muscles and strong bones of someone who continues to grow. Not remain as a baby or whither with age in my spiritual life. I have always liked the sound of the water running, may I have that in my life. Help me to continue to build up from the neglected rubble of the past. 

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”. ― John Newton

2 Corinthians 3:4-5 We have this kind of confidence toward God through Christ. It is not that we are competent in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our competence is from God. 

The quote from John Newton is really a very good one. I often feel I make such slow progress, but yet there is progress. This progress is only possible through Christ and my willingness. It's like a continuation of what I was saying in the previous post, but I hadn't really planned on continuing with the last post. It really is amazing how God works and the lessons he brings to us. Again I have to say that what we want or think we want or think we are capable of may not be what God has in mind for us. 
But really I am finding that I am not really competent in anything and that the minute I do feel a sense of pride or accomplishment apart from His grace I will be humbled and I will discover how incompetent I really am. 
So, yes, I am excited to admit I cannot do anything and yet I can do everything.! I am happy to say that I am weak even though I am strong. I have known this to be true but to actually feel that it is true is something I am thankful for right now.
 In the past I have felt frustrated with the weakness I've seen in myself, but today I really feel that I am learning what it is to rejoice in my weaknesses and to live in His strength. It is only then when He can use me. Only then when I know I am putting myself aside so that His glory can shine through me. 
I do know that I will need a lot more humbling work within my life, (not something I thoroughly enjoy) but it is better to be doing something we are not feeling confident in as it is only then that we are sure of where our strength truly comes from. It is better not to be in control and to be asking God continually how we are to move forward, right?