Apples

I don't trust my feelings. I have been afraid to write. I don't trust myself. My horomones. My thoughts. My heart. It's like when I am picking apples at the store, I try not to get the ones with the bruises. Also,  I did not realize how many different kinds of apples there were until I went to Ontario a few weeks ago. Honey Crisp, Jonagold, Russet, Gala....and I haven't even mentioned many of the varities we recognize in our own grocery store in town. I'm not sure I could even recognize the bruises on some of the different varities of apples. I've also realized that I don't know my own heart. I can't always recognize all the bruises either. I want to try so many different things, to taste, to smell, to trust someone when they tell me to try something different. To be surprised by the taste of an apple that may not have attacted me to it at first glance. I put an apple away tonight and it was really hard for me to do. But I have these apples in my hands and I can't grab new ones when my hands are full. I still don't know which new apples to pick. But I know I want the apples...I guess that's something...
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12 This verse to me is comforting right now. My heart may be bruised, I may be confused,my soul and spirit divided, but the word of God can penetrate.