Alien

¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. ¹⁴ People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. ¹⁵ If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. ¹⁶ Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one.

Hebrews11:13-16a

I have always liked Hebrews 11, but never noticed these verses before until today. And so my thoughts went to how I've always felt like somewhat of an alien. My extended family lives in Holland and so I've always felt a chunk of my heart lies there. I've also been to various cities in Europe and I've been to Nigeria. Every place I've been to has become a part of me and I want to go back and experience at least some small part of something there again. I always leave with the thought that I'd like to return to all of these places. But when I am somewhere else, I miss the beautiful skies and people of Canada.

 I have also always had this alien feeling at Christmas. I am discontent or something. I don't look forward to this time of the year and I dread it in November already. I've been feeling guilty for these feelings too. But when I read this verse today I felt I could tie some of my feelings together. I feel like an alien following the traditions of another country. While Christmas can be beautiful, I do not wish for it to last too long. I am grateful. I do feel joy in seeing others happy. I am happy for the remembrance of Jesus coming down to earth. Yet I often feel lonely at Christmas, maybe sad or I am hungering for something not possible here at this time. I do try my best for the ones I love, but truthfully I think I have been blessed not to have had the feeling of contentment at Christmas myself.  I am not saying this so that others feel guilty for loving Christmas. I want my children to experience the excitement of the many different  joys of the Christmas season we celebrate. But I also want them to hunger.
On my personal journey I feel God has shown me a part of what I need to learn about Him. My soul hungers for something invisible and I feel this more acutely when the westernized society we live in, tries to create an idyllic Christmas. There are children in orphanages, people on the streets and lonely men and women sitting behind computer screens with a sadness in their soul that we can't fathom. I can't feel that what we have here is what Christ calls us to do in remembrance of His birth. He has blessed many of us with so much and I do enjoy this, but I have an ache of something alien that can't be healed just yet. But for me this is a good thing. Something I am thankful for now, today.