Burning Bush

As a kid I believed that I could lay a piece of cotton cloth out on the grass in the park across the street and that I could pray to God and He would either make the ground wet and the cloth dry or He would make the cloth wet and the ground dry like Gideon did when he asked God to be more clear with him in the book of Judges. I don't know if I asked God for anything that day, but I believed in His power and I wanted to see it. A few years back I often asked God to show me His way by giving me some sort of a burning bush. Moses got one. And yet when Moses recieved the sign of a burning bush in His life and was then asked to lead God's people, Moses still questioned God and wondered how he could prove that it was God who had told him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. I didn't think I would even need to question God, if I got that burning bush. I am constantly wondering if God is really leading me and if I really am making the right decisions. I still want some sort of a sign that the direction that I am going in is the right one. "God, if you want me to adopt, have my husband say the name of this child who I've come across while looking on the internet..." Lord, if I really do have to take my kid in to the hospital this time, just get her to cough right now..." But when that which I've asked for comes, like my kid does cough, I say instead; "Make that three coughs in five minutes." I think I'm moving past this now, but a part of me still wants a miracle of some sort to know that I am on the right track.  I know that what I was asking God was not right and yet I also know that God has the power to do all these things. I thought with my limited understanding that God could perform for me to show me His love and guidance. I could not grasp the love that He actually had for me. Nor could I understand that the miracles that He performs are beyond my wildest imaginings and that they are there at just the right time for just the right purpose. I still have no clue of the love He has, I can only relate it to the limited things that I know; my experiences, what I've read. I have a hard time realizing how patient He is for me to figure it all out. How loving He is to answer all my questions. I am afraid to wait. Afraid to rest in Him. To follow, rather than to demand a solution or a miracle.