Noble Character

Jenaya at the age of nine possesses a spirit not yet so jaded by the world. While I often have thoughts of the realities of suffering, fear of what could become of the ones I love, worries of what others think, doubts of what my motives really are; Jenaya's worries haven't quite developed into the doubts and worries that I take on. The answer for me of course is to pray and to read the Bible, but I often do that after worrying for a little while. I need to stop thinking of myself on my terms, but seeing myself through God's eyes.

 So last night when Jenaya was really excited for me to read the last chapter of Proverbs at the supper table which talks of a wife of noble character, I felt ashamed right away. She had come across the chapter herself and felt strongly that I needed to hear it. My husband read it in front of our whole family. the woman described in there is a woman I feel I can't measure up to, nor do I always want to be like her. "She is clothed with strength and dignity.." "She gets up while it is still dark." (I am not a morning person!) "She works with eager hands" ( I do not always enjoy putting laundry away-nope not eager.) "She extends her hands to the needy" (I'd like to, but I feel tired, and overwhelmed by other stuff.) "When it snows, she has no fear for her household." ( Really? It snowed there? Well, I fear for my household...are they safe?) I was called blessed that night by Jenaya. I could see it in her eyes.I didn't have the heart to tell her that the woman there couldn't possibly be me. Nor did I want to tell her that I wasn't sure if I even wanted to work that hard. But what I am striving for is to fear the Lord and such a woman is to be praised. Perhaps I like to hide in my weaknesses. To tell myself that I could never be like that so that I don't have to try. Jenaya sees a hint of that woman in Proverbs in me, so why can't I see it? God wants us to be confident and strong as well as humble. God wants to raise us up and not have us wallow in our inadequacies. I understand that I am nothing. I understand that I am weak, that it is only through Christ that I am able. To give God all the glory. But I must also realize that I cannot claim weakness as my excuse. Nor look down on myself and be ashamed. I cannot be effective if I am not clothed with strength and dignity.